I don't try to delve into my personal life too much here, because I spend far too much time doing so in my written journals, to the detriment of quality. I just thought, for once, being that it was sort of brought to my attention this week, I'd open up the psyche and spill. Don't worry, it won't be a long ride.
I have certain problems with doing things on command. I don't mean so much at work - one steels oneself to taking on tasks when bills need to be paid. But when I speak of doing something, it's not so much work on a manual level. I am rarely requested to help out with physical labor. It's the creative, thoughtful things that concern me. For instance, I was asked to help out with essay questions recently. All I did was look at the list and my head began to spin - along with the words on the page. How could I make myself concentrate on appropriate answers to these questions? I couldn't; not in the space of time I was given. The sad thing was that some of the questions were quite interesting, and possibly good subjects to use for posts here. At the moment when my answers were needed, though, I was found wanting.
Am I so horrible for coming up short this way? I obviously enjoy writing - I always have. I seem to recall, though, that I didn't do as well as I should have in my own school essays either. This is probably why I've never accepted a job path in journalism, or similar careers. I even had trouble as a travel agent. When asked about locations or hotels that I had no interest in, my poor clients hit a brick wall and had to go elsewhere. It's one of the reasons that particular job didn't last long.
Is this a personality flaw, laziness, or something else? I wish I knew. All I do know is that if I don't care enough about a topic I cannot summon enthusiasm or bring myself to focus on it in any way. This narrow mindedness is one of my greatest shortcomings.