06 December 2007

The "I Have Issues" Post

I don't try to delve into my personal life too much here, because I spend far too much time doing so in my written journals, to the detriment of quality. I just thought, for once, being that it was sort of brought to my attention this week, I'd open up the psyche and spill. Don't worry, it won't be a long ride.

I have certain problems with doing things on command. I don't mean so much at work - one steels oneself to taking on tasks when bills need to be paid. But when I speak of doing something, it's not so much work on a manual level. I am rarely requested to help out with physical labor. It's the creative, thoughtful things that concern me. For instance, I was asked to help out with essay questions recently. All I did was look at the list and my head began to spin - along with the words on the page. How could I make myself concentrate on appropriate answers to these questions? I couldn't; not in the space of time I was given. The sad thing was that some of the questions were quite interesting, and possibly good subjects to use for posts here. At the moment when my answers were needed, though, I was found wanting.

Am I so horrible for coming up short this way? I obviously enjoy writing - I always have. I seem to recall, though, that I didn't do as well as I should have in my own school essays either. This is probably why I've never accepted a job path in journalism, or similar careers. I even had trouble as a travel agent. When asked about locations or hotels that I had no interest in, my poor clients hit a brick wall and had to go elsewhere. It's one of the reasons that particular job didn't last long.

Is this a personality flaw, laziness, or something else? I wish I knew. All I do know is that if I don't care enough about a topic I cannot summon enthusiasm or bring myself to focus on it in any way. This narrow mindedness is one of my greatest shortcomings.

2 comments:

stevie- mono no aware said...

Did u know that it is typical amongst Asians to give thought before responding? Maybe its the zen thing--all I know is that i can relate to what u are saying.
I need to think before i can respond to certain questions.
I use to think it was me,until i read that information about the processing of thoughts amongst certain folks.
It was condsidered to be a totally Western idea to immediately repsond with an answer.There is nothing wrong with needing time to respond accordingly.
Don't think its a flaw in you...
maybe next time you can be honest to whomever is asking a response. Tell them that this is a subject you'd like to muse upon more throughly --to give it more thought--so that you can accurately express your thoughts and feelings on it.
Sometimes i worry about this--if ever presented in a situation where i am under pressure.
Previously ---in those situations I clam up and get more emotional then clear about what i think or feel. It doesn't come across coherent and usually causes a negative reaction from the audience.
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Is there anyway you can now respond to those questions?
Let them know how u honestly think...honesty never fails in terms of communications wherein understanding is necessary so as not to cause breeches.
And in this particular area---your thought processing shows a more intellectual level then to be so arrogant so as to bluff your response.
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Welcome to the land of human fraility...you are no less a freak then the next person..so try not to brow beat yourself on this.
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stevie- mono no aware said...

As to not being able to generate interest in things that are of no interest to you...everyone gets like that sometimes.
but if you do find that its to a flaw...i am sure that you can find a way to find even an ioda of interest in the subject presented. Change perspectives on it...or maybe focus on the fact that its of interest to the other person and their passions and be stirred by this.
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Sometimes when the motivation of being interested is being interested, not necessarily on the subject at hand...but on the person with whom that subject has meaning..its alittle easier to share the interest....
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especailly as an expression of kindness to those with whom are looking towards you as a favorable audience.